The Unfriending

It comes on slowly.  Innocently.  You don’t notice the itch initially.  It could be mosquitoes in the summer or dry skin in the winter, but it’s there, building and soon you’re staring at the news feed on the Book of Faces looking at the names of people you added because maybe you met them once at a networking event, or they were the friend of a friend or a friends boyfriend or even someone you don’t even know but because two dozen people you do know are friends with them you say, “Sure… why not.

You think it won’t happen to you.

“No, no.  I couldn’t unfriend Jane Doe!  We talked once in a crowded bar and I thought she was just really neat.”

But Jane isn’t neat.  She’s damned depressing.  Every status is an exercise in perfecting the “whiny bitch” persona.

Joe Blow isn’t much better.  All that hate spewing forth from his side of the computer monitor is enough to make you wrinkle your nose in disgust at the mere mention of his name.

Before you know it you’ve reached…. The Unfriending!

I routinely get “the itch” at least once a year.

I start to notice the Depressed Donnies, Negative Nellies and the Down-with-Everything Divas bringing me down and harshing my buzz on life usually within a few weeks of adding them.  I try to give them the benefit of the doubt but routinely these are the same people who constantly ask why nobody can, or wants to, hang out with them.  Here’s a thought: maybe because you’re a whiny-ass bitch?

Just like I posted last week, no one can stay positive when surrounded by a bunch of negative people.  Honestly, with all of my other allergies, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was allergic to negative attitudes as well.

The-Shining-the-shining-16869350-500-333Initially, I’m all, “Hey man… life is good… lighten up, okay?  See the silver lining.  Look for the rainbow.  Choose to be happy.”

And then the bastards just keep… on… bitching.

All work and no play makes Sarah a dull girl.

And that’s the thing of it; dealing with whiny-ass bitches is hard work.  It sucks the life force out of every individual who has to deal with the said whiny-ass bitch at any given point in time.

Really?  You have MORE to bitch about?

Really? You have MORE to bitch about?

Each word they write (many of which are spelled incorrectly) burn my eyes and ignite my soul into becoming an axe-wielding maniac hell-bent on cleaving them from my friends list in an effort to protect those whom I actually enjoy conversing with online or in person from their pessimism.

Get OFF of my Friends List!!!

Get OFF of my Friends List!!!

Sometimes I’ve warned people.  Today was one of those days.

Okay, initially I removed a half dozen people and then put out the warning.  Oops.

I don’t actually enjoy being the bad guy (well… okay, maybe just a little) all the time, but I do have a tendency to point out the elephant in the room and whiny-ass bitches are an elephant. Seriously!  HOW do they go on, day after day, wallowing in their repugnant funk?

So, I conclude with this:

  • Don’t be an ass, if you want to send a friend request – send a message to the person first, even if you know them.
  • Don’t be a whiny-ass bitch, relishing your self-pity and flinging it about like a monkey flings poo at the world.
  • Don’t add people and then let them rot away in your keepsake box – interact with them.
  • If you get the axe – before you get offended, take a look at what you “put out there” for the world to see – maybe you’re an ass, forgot them or you’re a whiny-ass bitch.

Just sayin’.

Let the axing continue!


Photos courtesy of:

About The Amusing Muse

Deep thinker whose mind operates at warped speed. Philosopher pondering the big (and little) things in life. Storyteller. Office Ninja. Model. Teller of bad jokes. User of big words.
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11 Responses to The Unfriending

  1. Amen! I have been cleaning house as well. Now, if only there were a button for the real world….

  2. I usually just hide the whiners from my feed. I only unfriend if they start some racist or hate filled rants.

    And as of this morning, I’ve not been axed… 🙂

  3. Aaron says:

    They are not really friends if they are just their to pad your numbers to make you feel better about yourself. A friend is a person that you interact with not just some name on a list.

  4. Doctor Quack says:

    Whining is pretty much all I do.

  5. Great post, it made me laugh, especially the parallels to The Shining haha. I agree, people can be a little too self indulgent in their whinings on facebook. It’s not a therapy session.

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