Green. No…. not really green. Green and…. Charcoal grey? Soot? Lime green and… black? When a tornado comes, the sky changes color to something “otherworldly.” There is an alternate dimension feel to the air, the land… and those storms are sometimes where I find my dreams.
I’m a dreamer. Much to the chagrin of Mr. Muse, I ream nightly. Often in color, sometimes in a mix of color and black-and-white, sometimes in nothing but film noir. And, I usually remember my dreams – vividly. I’m in awe of the depth, breadth, and convoluted nature of them. Typically, they are weird and bizarre, and frequently my subconscious knows that I’m in a dream. But, every now and again, my visions are visited by storms.
Tornadoes have made a not uncommon appearance in my nighttime storylines. I have dreamt of friends dying in twisters and my sister being sucked up and wrenched from my grip in a tornado.
While a tornado in the physical realm really should send us ducking-and-covering, a storm of dream-state manifestation should not be viewed with the same sense of impending danger. At least not once you’re awake. It’s like the Death Card in a tarot deck – it doesn’t actually mean death: it means change. Every major change in my life, and sometimes in the lives of those close to me, has been preceded by my having dreamed of a tornado. Tornadoes bring change.
Funny thing about we humans, we usually don’t like change. Change is synonymous with chaos, and we don’t want chaos either. I dare say that most humans prefer to have a predictable schedule to most days with some slight variation, such as switching up Taco Tuesday for Flautas Friday! (Both are delicious in my opinion.)
Chaos, however, isn’t necessarily evil, and I’m not a malicious person; I’m much more inclined towards neutrality than malice. So, you know, let’s shake things up a bit but have fun, too.
And so, I sowed the seeds of chaos in my own life, once again. In less than two weeks I decided that even though I hadn’t lined up a new job yet, I was going to give notice at my current position. And then… I decided to go back to school.
Mr. Muse, who very much likes to keep things predictable, has thankfully grown accustomed to the occasional maelstroms I bring into his life. While he’s never sure when they are coming, he knows, fortunately, that I seldom act without a great deal of thinking about outcomes before my dusting my hands and declaring, “Let’s do this!”
Which is what I did the other week after waking up from another dream of a tornado. Chaos reigned supreme in that swirling cloud of mental detritus, but in the scene, I stood watching, calmly taking in the activity before me as everything around was sucked up and blown away. Or so it seemed. As the cyclone spun itself past, I could see that the landscape left behind only required a little bit of attention to cleaning up. The junk that weighed me down was gone. It wasn’t bothersome to me, as I had fully expected that there would be some pieces to pick up.
These changes, this chaos, is presently coming fast. But, I knew that would happen, too. However, the good news is, while these changes might bring in less income on a temporary basis, they will give me: a shorter commute, more time to write, far less stress, and eventually, the ability to work for myself from home (mostly) doing something I’m good at and actually enjoy.
So, like the Death Card in tarot, change, upheaval, chaos… all are qualities which I possess in spades. But, one should always have a little fun with it.
Do you have a Bringer of Chaos in your life? Are YOU the Bringer of Chaos?
Do you like change or do you prefer to keep everything steady?
Good Luck with the newest adventure(s). Keep us up to date on the progress!
Thank you and… Of Course! 😀
Change has become and is a reality in life these days. Even when we are happy with things, change has become a requirement for survival. You made the right choice in walking away from something toxic you couldn’t and weren’t going to fix. In doing so you have walked into something that maybe temporarily fixes you. While we usually are mindful of those closest to us, we always have to be mindful of ourselves too. My observation over the years is that you are the bringer of chaos but at the same time, that is your steading course of life.
lol Good thing I’m okay with bringing the chaos. 😀
Yeah, the situation I’m ending is ugly – I’m very happy to be getting out.
I love the fact that you’re doing these things – you back in school, leaving a job which wasn’t “doing it for you” is great. And while I recognize that it includes a HUGE amount of chaos….well, sometimes you need to head through a field of chaos in order to bring some order to things.
My life is, simply, a neverending supply of chaos – it’s to the point where things just are reacted to, and never planned . . . . or, in reality, they’re planned so carefully that everything is just reaction when it’s go time — should something happen to my calendar, I fear my sense of self would just disappear.
It’s been…. an adjustment. And it’s chaotic. And…. you get the idea. But, there is satisfaction in the chaos? I’m at peace with the need to set aside time to study?
As the bringer of chaos in my life, and my relationship, I’m okay with this.
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