Leaving the job I had at the end of last year was a good thing.
I left with the ambitious goal of being a paid writer (and for a variety of other reasons), which I am, kinda… but it doesn’t bring in the dinero like what I had been making. That’s meant some changes around Chez Muse, not bad changes, but changes that have been felt.
There have also been some things I’ve learned during the last three months, things that are fairly important when it comes to pursuing my writing dream.
First of all, I love to write my own shit.
Second, I like writing other people’s shit if it’s about a topic in which I’m interested.
Third, writing shit for others about topics I have zero interest is akin to torture.
Fourth, one of the things that I love writing about are my travels and my salary went for travel (among other things) and well… you see where I’m going with this?
I’ve done a lot of soul-searching over the last month along with having some conversations with Mr. Muse. I have felt lost when it comes to “what next” in the job and career department. I’ve not been blessed with the feeling of overwhelming passion gripping me letting me know “THIS” it what I should be doing (other than writing).
For years I have asked friends and acquaintances, on and off, how they choose, or knew, or decided to pursue their line of work. My hair stylist – she knew she wanted to do hair when she was a little girl. My massage therapist – he knew when he was in his mid-teens after a chiropractic visit (he still want to be a chiropractor). Mr. Muse’s childhood involved taking apart electronics and well, that led him to engineering. My mom liked working with numbers so she was a banker.
It seems like most people I know knew to their very depths what they wanted to do from an early age.
Then there’s me. Every article out there that starts in on talking about passion and following your interests leaves me frustrated. The articles on passion make it seem like poof, one day you wake up and there you have it. The articles on developing your interests are more relatable, however, each time I think of pursuing one of my interests as a career, my nose wrinkles and I just don’t see it happening. I just know that I love traveling for fun, I love writing about where I go, and… I want to make sure that continues to be a reality.
I’m frustrated, feeling lost, and as much as I profess not knowing what I’m doing as an adult, I feel that “not knowing” even more.
Now, I need to ask everyone who is reading this what I’ve been asking everyone else: when did you know that you wanted to do what you do for a job/career? What was the moment you knew? Was it an interest? A passion? Something else?