Fancy Coffee Friday: Lumbersexuals?

I’ll give you a moment to giggle over today’s blog post title.  You can giggle over this video next.

You done now?  Okay, good – now I can get down to brass tacks.

Imagine it, my driveway in southern Wisconsin where we’d not yet had any snow, two weekends ago.  Mr. Muse was attacking firewood with his 8-pound splitting maul, decked out in his finest Carhartt work wear in “Carhartt Brown” when my cousin pulled into the driveway to pick up her jeep’s hard top from storage.  She got out of her jeep, commented “that’s sexy right there,” with a nod toward Mr. Muse, following up that she was into men who were rugged, and then she sprung the word “lumbersexual” on the two of us.

Lumbersexual?  So I asked, “What in hell is a “lumbersexual?”  She went on to explain that they were the newest incarnation of fashionable men, the urban, rugged “outdoors-men”.  The “metrosexual” was on the way out and being a “lumbersexual” was in, $200 rucksacks and designer Eddie Bauer flannel shirts.  She went on to say that this lumbersexual fad was not good for her dating life because she really liked rugged outdoors-men and now she was getting confused as to if men she wanted to date were actual rugged outdoors-men or just the lumbersexual wannabes.

via Urban Dictionary.

via Urban Dictionary.

Since Mr. Muse was never a Metro-sexual, he often dresses like a lumberjack when he’s outside, would never spend $200 on a rucksack and actually knows the difference between an axe and a splitting maul – chances are he’s not a lumbersexual.  Sorry ladies, he’s all mine!  Now that I’ve written all of that, since I know the difference between an axe and a splitting maul… maybe I’m a lumberjack, too?  But I digress.

So, if this is your first time seeing and reading about Lumbersexuals, I’ve decided to help you ladies who read this blog out with how you can spot a Lumberjack vs. a Lumbersexual.


 The Lumberjack

  1. Typically wears sturdy work pants, often from Carhartt but could also be from Farm & Fleet/Fleet Farm or Tractor Supply Co., which tend to have bar chain oil stains in various locations (check the side of the thighs where he’ll wipe said bar chain oil off of his hands).
  1. Wears substantial, leather work boots with steel toe (and often metatarsal protection) like Red Wings, which have “scars” from a variety of cutting implements. They often have stains from bar chain oil.
  1. Might wear flannel, chambray or denim, long-sleeved shirts, though during warm weather they most likely have on a t-shirt. Unless the bugs are bad. Shirts often have stains from bar chain oil.
  1. Carries a pair of safety glasses, hard hat and ear protection, often with smears of bar chain oil on them.
  1. Knows the difference between an axe and a splitting maul and tends to carry one or more splitting wedges in the pockets of the sturdy work pants. All tools usually have bar chain oil on them.
  1. His clothes smell like 2-cycle engine exhaust. So does he. He often has bar chain oil smeared somewhere on his face, hands and/or arms.
  1. He and his clothes often are covered in fine sawdust which gets into every nook-and-cranny. Expect him to be blowing that stuff out of his nose with the handkerchief he has in his pocket when he’s done.
  1. May or may not wear a “lumberjack elbow” support on his forearm.
  1. Speaks of “widowmakers”, “felling”, “punky wood” and “cords”.
  1. Reminds his significant other to pick up another gallon of bar chain oil on the way home.

The Lumbersexual

  1. Typically wears designer “rugged” fit jeans from placed like Eddie Bauer, LL Bean or Urban Outfitters. Pants will not have bar chain oil stains.
  1. Wears leather work books. They tend to look like they just came off of the shelf at the store or out of the box. They do not have bar chain oil stains or scars from cutting implements.
  1. Wears flannel, chambray or denim, long-sleeved shirts over a solid-colored t-shirt. Will generally have a canvas jacket over the top with a scarf tied neatly around their neck. None of these will have bar chain oil stains on them.
  1. Does not walk around with safety glasses, hard hat or ear protection smeared with bar chain oil. Probably has a $200 rucksack over his shoulder… which is not smeared with bar chain oil.
  1. Unlikely to know the difference between an axe and a splitting maul or carry splitting wedges in the pockets of their designer jeans.
  1. His clothes do not smell like 2-cycle engine exhaust, nor does he. In fact, he probably smells like Old Spice. He will not have bar chain oil smeared on his face, hands and/or arms.
  1. He will not be covered in fine sawdust. May or may not have a handkerchief in his pocket. This is most likely just for show.
  1. May or may not wear a support on his forearm for tennis elbow (or any other racquet sport).
  1. Does not speak about “widow makers”, “felling”, “punky wood” and “cords”.
  1. Reminds his significant other to pick up a bottle of wine on the way home.

 

If  you are at all concerned that you’ve gotten a lumbersexual and not a lumberjack, ask him where he got his clothes and look for bar chain oil.  If he replies Eddie Bauer – he’s a lumbersexual.  If he’s got bar chain oil on him somewhere – he’s a lumberjack.  And he’s okay.

This song could use more chainsaw.

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About The Amusing Muse

Deep thinker whose mind operates at warped speed. Philosopher pondering the big (and little) things in life. Storyteller. Office Ninja. Model. Teller of bad jokes. User of big words.
This entry was posted in Blogging, Humor, Musings, Outdoors, Personal, Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Fancy Coffee Friday: Lumbersexuals?

  1. John says:

    My favorite Monty Python sketch 🙂

    My beard is unkepmt, and I know the difference between an axe & a splitting maul, but I seldom am covered in bar chain oil. Also, if I’m wearing outdoor gear, I prefer that it’s from Duluth Trading Company (and I’m pretty sure I don’t own any single piece of clothing that even comes close to approaching $200) — so I’m not entirely sure where I fall on the spectrum, but I’m pretty sure it’s not toward either extreme.

    • You know, this morning I was thinking about how I forgot to add Duluth Trading Company to that list. I, too, know the differences between an axe and a splitting maul and am seldom covered in bar chain oil. I’m also female… though I could be a lumbersexual I guess because I do wear flannel and scarves. I just wouldn’t have a beard. I think that chances are good you’re just a “manly man” and that’s okay.

  2. In Canada, there are no Lumbersexuals. There are, however, several different breed of Lumberjack. And can be easily identified by the type of women’s clothing they may or may not don. The Northern lumberjack usually wears fishnet stockings that can double as mosquito netting because the mosquitoes are that big and cannot get through the mesh. West coast loggers will generally wear rubber or pvc panties/brars to prevent moisture from getting at their delicate bits. Heli loggers are often the most flamboyant and are considered the queens of the harvest. Don’t ask me how I know all this. I just do

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