If you haven’t take the time to traipse over to visit The Food and Wine Hedonist, I suggest you do!  The Hedonist talks about food, occasionally wine, often music and how he is succombing to Hispster-dom.  Oh yeah, he is also an unabashed perv with a sense of timing and appropriateness (at least as far as I can tell) and I respect that in a person.  (Make sure you read The Sicilian’s post’s, too!)

On his post today, Blog Awards Reimagined, he was handed (can we really call it “handed” when it’s a written thingy on a blog?) a Liebster Award and… well, his feelings about blog awards are similar to my own.  Usually they get a response of “Oh that’s nice” and promptly forgotten about.  That makes me think:  Do y’all even care if a blog has “won” an award here on WordPress?

This also caused me to think of reasons I read blogs.  Firstly, entertain me damnit!  Seriously, I come here to be entertained and anyone scrolling through my blogroll can see that most of the sites I visit have writers who are funny.  Secondly, I come to be educated; even the funniest writers are often able to educate their readers and I like learning new things.  Thirdly, I read blogs because sometimes I don’t know what to write about, I read an interesting post and booyah! I have an idea to write about.

So, what makes me stop reading a blog?  Usually it’s when the writer starts to get overly serious and/or just creep me out with their renewed or newly found religious fervor/dogma. I have nothing against religion, but I don’t like being preached at.  All that religion talk is right up there with my other dislikes of drum circles, pow-wows and brain-storming sessions.

So, today, I decided I’d respond to FWH’s questions.  Mostly because they’re respectably perverted – well, some of them are.  So here goes!

1 – What would you want served as your last meal?

It’s my last meal?  Right?  Like… I’m not going to have a miraculous recovery or be pardoned by the governor?  You’re not going to tease me about this, are you?

Okay!!! In that case, bring on all that damn, delicious forbidden gluten that I can’t eat right now!  I want to STUFF MY FACE with Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts.  I want pasta… and a lot of it.  I want bread slathered with butter.  And I want to wash it all down with all those awesome craft beers I can no longer have.  Why?  I’ll be DEAD!  The stomach ache and “urgent intestinal discord” be DAMNED!

2 – Red, white, or Rose?

I drink ALL the wines!!!

Source: memegenerator.net

3 – What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen sparrow?

African or European?

4 – Who’s the hottest blogger NOT named “The Food and Wine Hedonist?”

Uh… Hello?!  ME!

I will also accept Jules, her 3rd husband, The Byronic Man or April.  I did not pick people I actually know in person whose blogs I follow – I figured that would be biased.  I didn’t pick people whose photos I haven’t actually seen – I didn’t want my fantasy shaken if they actually sent me a photo and they didn’t match up to my expectations.

Curried Banana Pizza.
Source: blog.hostelbookers.com

5 – What are your favorite pizza toppings?

Yes.  Oh, wait… I don’t care for everything… um.  Well…. okay, I can’t come up with anything I dislike.  Just don’t put on combinations that will taste horrible.  However, my Swedish friends keep telling me that I need to try the Curried Banana and Shrimp Pizza when I visit Sweden.  That one kind of frightens me.

6 – If someone said you can have x-ray vision but you’d be permanently cross-eyed, would you take it?

Oooh, I’m going to seriously consider this!  After I butted heads with that goat all those years ago, my right eye wanders to the outside when I get tired – maybe this would cause it to stay in a “normal” position and then I’d just look like my neighbors father, Clarence, who has one eye all awry and you’re never quite sure which eye you should be looking at during conversation.

7 – How accurate is your blog profile picture?

That’s me.  Really.  No kidding.  I’m pretty hot. 

8 – Got any naked pictures of your significant other?

*thinks*…. Oh wait!  After The Big Nude Boat… I do!  HA!  I need to keep those around for blackmailing purposes.

9 – Do you want any?

See above, you perv!

Source: memegenerator.net

10 – What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

I eat ALL the ice cream!!!  Honestly, the most unusual flavor I have had was Basil Ice Cream with Lemon Sauce over the top.  It blew my mind.

11 – What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?

Pet Cemetery is the one that comes to mind.  I don’t like horror films.  Movie gore makes me physically ill with the exceptions of Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction, etc., where it is SO over-the-top.

12 – Who’s your daddy?

Well, the official government documents state that he’s the guy my Mom is married to, but I often claimed it was the Milk Man.  However, we didn’t have a Milk Man.  And Mom says she was present for creation of yours truly.  I’m still suspect, but I’ve taken her word, begrudgingly, for the last 37 years.