So for those of you following along… I have some food intolerances. Just a few. Nothing major
unless, of course, severe stomach cramping, diarrhea, bloating and gas aren’t major. You can read my super-fun story here on the “Food Allergy Fundom” page.
Call me crazy, but I like to toe the line… push the envelope… do something stupid from time to time. Today was one of those days. I submitted myself as “Test Subject #1” for my lunch experiment of a can of Progresso Clam Chowder. It’s gluten free! The label told me so; however, it lists milk (yikes) and soy (jury is out) in the Allergen Statement. I couldn’t find milk in the ingredients, but the allergen statement told me “THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS” in big, bold letters. Yeah – just like I typed.
I popped the top on that sucker, heated it up on the stove top and after five minutes measured out my portion and dug in. It was delicious.
Ten minutes later, as I was on my way with Alex-the-no-longer-Fat-Cat to the vet for a check up on his Renal Failure issue, I got that not-so-pleasant feeling in the region of my innards. That whole “how long can I squeeze shut my sphincter” feeling. Of course, I was then asking myself if what I was feeling was psychosomatic or if it was “for realz”.
It’s amazing what sheer will-power will help a person accomplish. I squeezed. The cat had his visit. I got home. I…. okay – I don’t want to share that much. Nor do you want me to.
Let’s just say it’d be a great diet plan to subject yourself to eating a serving of something that causes your insides to cramp up so bad the mere thought of food is completely out of the question. Thankfully that feeling wore off after about four hours (unlike ducks eggs… the effect of which lasts 24 hours for me), and I made myself Gluten-, dairy- and soy-free Tuna Noodle Casserole.
It was delicious (and coconut milk is a wonderful thing).
And yeah… I know, “Sarah, you should take pictures”. I get involved in the kitchen, dammit. I forget to take pictures… but here’s my recipe.
Gluten/Dairy/Soy-Free Tuna Noodle Casserole. Easy Peasy! 4 servings 1 onion, chopped 2 ribs celery, chopped 4 cloves garlic, chopped up fine Cook all of that in oil-of-choice until onion is translucent and everything looks wonderful. While that’s cooking, boil salted water – cook your favorite noodle of choice (8 oz of noodles). When onion/celery/garlic combo is beautiful, salt & pepper to taste and add in 1 can of Coconut Milk (I used Thai Kitchen brand) and two 2-oz cans of drained tuna. Mix together and cook for a while. When noodles are cooked, drain them and add to veggie/tuna/milk mixture. Combine. Pour into a greased casserole dish, top with “crunchies” of your choice (in my case the last dregs of a bag of corn tortilla chips), put a cover on it and pop in the oven for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. After 20 minutes, take off the cover and cook for additional 10 minutes so it gets crunchy on top.The End.
Do you know i just purchased that yesterday! Why you ask? Because it said Gluten Free! Thanks for the heads-up about the horror. I must say I am very impressed with your squeezing abilities…not everyone can say they have that as a skill!
LOL My Mom’s side of the family is rife with talk of bodily functions of the #2 kind… and farting. We talk about farting a lot.
Sheer will power, Baby! 😉 Also the fact that the ladies at the vet clinic know me pretty well and had I said I needed the rest room they wouldn’t think anything of it.
Hahahaha! We all have ass issues as we cll them here as well. If nothing else, ass issues certainly make for a good laugh : )
Truth! I think you have to have the ability to laugh at “ass issues”. I mean really… farting is hilarious. Bodily noises in general are pretty funny – until they reach the point of being excessive. 😉