Many of you reading this might be aware that we’re currently, presently, in the month of December.  December 2012… in fact, according to naysayers and dooms-dayers, our lives are but a flash in the pan and will be over with in 16 days (that whole Mayan end of the world business).

Now, I’m more of a glass-half-full kind of person, so in the spirit of positivity, I’m offering up some last-minute gift ideas (in case you wanted to know what to send me… money is always good…. or iTunes gift cards…. gluten, dairy and soy-free foodstuffs… or adult beverages).  These are super fantastic things that I never knew I wanted until TV told me I did.  Damn you TV!

The Total Pillow – I like support!  I like an aligned spine!  I like five pillows in one!  You can’t go WRONG!  They’ll double your order!!!  One for you – one for your loved one (that’s me…. remember).  How are you not jumping at this deal!?  It’s the perfect stocking stuffer, well… wait – I HAVE a stocking that it’ll fit in!  HOORAY ME!

The Free Flexor   Think “Shake Weight” but different.  They might advertise this gadget for men, but I think it’s fun for the whole family.  Who doesn’t want bigger biceps and triceps?  Just think of the hours of enjoyment you’ll be providing me as I grip that shaft firmly in my hot, little hands and twirl away!

The Shake Weight – Summer is just around the corner!  I’ll be in the Caribbean in two months!  I need to lose my flab and jiggle!!  I need to be ready for the beach and those sleeveless tops and dresses.  I could accomplish this in only six minutes a day!  The Shake Weight makes another excellent stocking stuffer!  However, according to South Park…. well, you should just watch the video.  “Thanks, Shake Weight”

Suck & Blow Jello Shots I like jello.  I like adult beverages.  I like jello shots.  I also like my friends and who wouldn’t want to share a Sucked and Blown Jello Shot with me?  I don’t have cooties.  Hmm… I wonder if there is an issue of “back wash” on these?

The Peeper Stopper; which then led me to looking if you really COULD look through a peephole the reverse way.  Apparently you can!  And you can pick up the nifty lock pick beginner’s kit while you’re there!  I travel and I wasn’t aware that I needed to stop peepers from peering into my peep-hole (man, there is just no way to make that not sound perverted… okay, there is but I’m not going to do that to you readers).  Another super fantastic stocking stuffer!

The Wax Vac!  “Say ‘Good Bye’ to cotton swabs!”  I’m not too sure about the Wax Vac because I don’t think it’ll give me that same, drool-inducing feeling of the cotton swab rotating against my ear drum causing me to nearly pound the floor with my foot like Thumper the rabbit.  And, wouldn’t there be a danger of it sucking my ear drum out?  I’m guessing that they’ve tested the safety on this and it even comes with color-coded tips!  Everyone in the family can use it!

And now, for the pièce de résistance…

The Full Bottle Wine Glass.  Oh yes.  I HAD to go here.  I HAD to suggest it because I didn’t know it existed until TV told me so!  My first words were, “Such a thing exists?!  How come no one told me?!”  Dear Readers… if someone gets me one of these (and of course, a really good bottle of wine to pour into it) – I’ll take a picture of me drinking out of it AND post it on my site.

Of course, I realize that for anyone to actually send me anything, I’d have to give out my address – which isn’t happening.  Or I get a PO Box… and that takes money and motivation.  I’m lacking both – Christmas shopping wiped out both of those things. Well, I might be inspired for the Full Bottle Wine Glass…

Happy Christmas Shopping!

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