Needy People, or in the case of this writing, Emotionally Needy People, are seemingly everywhere.
Do you know an emotionally needy person? Are you an emotionally needy person? I’m not talking about those folks who get in a funk during the fall and winter months – they don’t complain much. I’m talking about the people who constantly whine/bitch/complain about their “First World Problems”. If you know one or are one, what can you do to stop them or yourself from sucking the life out of you or everyone around them/you?
I wish I knew.
I’ve been pondering of late if it was the internet that seemed to perpetuate what appears to be a rampant increase in neediness. Person after person spilling their guts about how horrible their day is going, and every comment in response receiving in turn another forlorn, woe-is-me, my-life-sucks moan. The thing is, these life-and-emotion-sucking-vampires have always been around. The internet only gave them another platform with which to declare just how awful their life is to anyone they could trap into listening.
Vampires the likes of these don’t adhere to the “Vampire Code of Ethics“; such as number five, “Never attack another immortal without major provocation”. Emotional vampires don’t need any provocation. You’re another human being, and humans are supposed to be sympathetic to other humans woes, apparently this lack of immortality is all the provocation that is needed. To that I say, “SONOFABITCH!”
Here’s the thing, no matter what I write in response or about Emotional Vampirism… I’m going to come off as being “The Bad Guy/Girl”. The Douchebag. The Insensitive Asshole. Confession – it wouldn’t be the first time I was called those or similar.
Emotional Vampires can suck the life out of another person in mere moments of interaction. A few words with them are the Black Holes of conversation. These are the people who you avoid conversation with whenever possible because you loathe entering that dreaded Black Hole, yet they seem to sneak into your life in the most innocuous ways and… you’re good and stuck. Fuck.
You can try to avoid
Black Holes conversations with these folks, but somewhere (like when you’re in a bathroom stall…trapped), somehow, they’ll track you down and drag you into their mess; and these people ARE a mess. Everything is wrong. Even if something happens to go right in their life, the rest of it is a horrible, gaping, maw of a black hole out of which they can’t drag themselves. They look to everyone else to toss them a rope before they are dragged into the abyss.
We who stand outside the black hole, holding the rope with both hands are often left wondering what we did to deserve this ill-treatment. Time and time again we’ve been shown that no matter what we do or say, there is no hope of trying to rescue this emotional vampire from where they are headed. So, after a time (how many times just depends on the vampire on the end of the rope), we let go of the rope, give a wave and give a perfunctory, “Good luck”.
We tried. We failed. We tried and failed again. And again.
Sorry, Emotional Vampires, your drab-colored view of the world is fucking depressing.
I, that’s right, the Insensitive Asshole, proffer to you some advice:
- Stop bitching. Just stop. Before you start to tell the next person you meet face-to-face or online how craptastical your day has been, ask yourself if you’re a “whiny, little bitch” all the time. Are you? Then stop.
- Build a bridge and get over it. Life is full of Shit Creeks; that’s just the way it is and you either need to build a bridge and get over it or get a paddle and start going with the flow. Your choice.
- Suck it up, Buttercup. Put on your big boy/girl Underroos and deal with your life.
- Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. This one is a double-edged sword. You WANT people to listen to you bitch, but people stop listening to you BECAUSE you bitch. All the time. No matter what. Always.
- Tell the world a lie when asked, “How are you?”. Be the ray of fucking sunshine you don’t feel. Realize that those who care – will see through the farce. Examples:
- I’m SUPER! Thanks for asking.
- Any day above ground and upright is a good day!
- I couldn’t be better!
- The world doesn’t revolve around you, never has, never will.
- Understand that what sucks for you in your mind is nothing but a blip on the radar for nearly every other person in the world.
- Extend an invitation to others before dragging them to your Pity Party. Wait for their RSVP. If you receive their “Regrets” – don’t force them to attend anyway.
And lastly – I leave all of you Emotional Vampires with some words of wisdom from Voltaire:
Photos courtesy of:
Amen! I love #5. I had to learn to love garlic, say no and slay this crew in my life.
Seriously I pondered posting the Laws of Satanism (which are purely common sense and not at all scary) because they’d fit the situation well. I’ve gotten really good at not responding altogether to Emotional Vampires or when the conversation with them starts to head that direction – I skedaddle. I’ve become almost hyper-aware of the impending sucking that it about to take place and leave the scene of the crime before it happens.
I was an emotional vampire. Now I’m just the ordinary run of the mill harmless type. Best thing I ever did was stop asking people how they are, told people that when they share intimate details of their wretched life that it makes me uncomfy, use the response; “wow, sucks to be you” or “better you than me” and finally the blank stare, shrug and walk away tactic. People now know when and how to approach me with a serious situation instead of emotional drivel.
Oooohhh – you’re a CONVERT! 😉 Actually, I am, too. I would have to dig around but I believe it was George Carlin I once heard saying something to the effect of “Nobody cares how you REALLY are when they ask, “How are you?” He went on to explain it and the proverbial lightbulb went off. So I started fibbing and saying I was great or some variation all the time, and the thing was – it actually became a fact that I WAS great all the time. The little stuff stayed little because I didn’t make it a big deal.
My other problem is… for most of the world – I just don’t care how they are. Oh sure, my closest friends I care, family, too. But I don’t need a lot of details. I don’t want to be caught in the flood of mental flotsam without some sort of life preserver.
My reaction to people is really what got people wondering if I have Asberger’s, but hey – if I can help by giving a verbal slap upside the head that nobody cares – I’m happy to be labeled if people need one slapped on me.
So funny…but true. The scary thing is they are everywhere. But since I have identified the type, whenever I meet one I run! And if stuck in an airplane, bathroom or elevator I just nod, and show a concerned expression while looking for a way to get out.
Don’t you feel all panicky when you spot one, too? You get that skin-crawling feeling and you start to feel like a tweaked out heroine addict because you just HAVE to get away!! Maybe that’s just me. I always end up doing the nod/concerned look until I can bolt. Mentally I tell myself to NOT let my eyes glaze over, because as soon as I’m sucked into a conversation that is a black hole, my eyes glaze over. Thankfully emotional vampires don’t usually notice until the drool starts to form at the corner of my mouth.
It was just last week I was extremely peeved by being sucked into a emotional vampires black hole. They asked for a favor and it was if I said “No.” I would be a total asshole but at the same time I’m thinking they are an asshole for asking…It’s a long story but I have set up boundaries and there are some people who will take every last bit of your energy to further their cause.
Ah HA! A bit more of last week’s “pissiness” is explained 😉 I feel ya, Girl! I feel your pain!
Hahaha! I am still peeved about it!
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