So, last night as I was washing the day off of my face and brushing my teeth before bed, I looked in the mirror and had this thought pop into my head, “Why do all of the articles with advice to spice up marriages always say that the women should pay a lot of attention to their grooming and how they dress?”
What is UP with that?!
Perhaps it was that I was standing there in my dressy t-shirt (it’s a thing… I have a bunch of them) and skinny jeans with my hair pulled up and awry and a toothbrush clenched in my fist as I attempted to remove the remaining traces of a black bean brownie from my maw, but… why is the primping left up to the women in the relationship? I have yet to read an article that gives a tip telling the men that they should maybe think about dressing in something other than a ratty-ass t-shirt with pizza grease stains and jeans slung down past their drawers.
Want to know what is sexy? Using a tissue, or gods forbid a handkerchief, and NOT “snorking” that wad of snot up your nose.
Want to know what else is sexy? Putting some thought into what you wear in public. That wife-beater that shows off your back hair? Not sexy. Why not try a nice pair of jeans, some dressy shoes and a nice shirt; I’m not talking tuxedos here.
I finished my what-had-become-aggressive scrubbing of my teeth and went to bed.
When I woke up, I still essentially had this same “bug up my ass” about why the onus to look like we’re “trying” is always put upon the shoulders of women.
Fuck that. I put on my jeans, tank top, flips flops and do-rag (not ratty, not stained and I coordinated). My face was scrubbed, moisturized, sunscreened and BB-creamed and a little dab of mascara applied along with my favorite Chicken Poop lip balm (seriously… I love this stuff). My hair combed and braided. That was my effort for the day. It wasn’t over the top, but it wasn’t bare minimum either.
You don’t like it? TOO BAD! I dress how I want for myself and nobody else. Hmm, I felt a little bit of Eric Cartman coming on for a moment and was about to shout out, “Whatevah! I can do what I want!”
I posed my observation and questions to Mr. Muse this morning on the commute into work and he suggested that perhaps it was a throw-back to when women were expected to be dressed nicely all the time and dote on their men (or catch a man) and the men could gallivant about the town whenever they wanted.
So, what say you? Have you read articles on relationships where they suggest “keeping up appearances” for both men and women or just the women?
Why do you think that the obligation is put upon women more than men?
Ladies, do you feel it’s your responsibility to be dressed to the nine’s at all times, or is it more of a responsibility to dress how you choose and be comfortable?
When I saw the headline of this post, I thought, for a second, that you had caught sight of me lying on the couch reading a newspaper then I realised this was not possible and heaved a sigh of relief
LOL Are you sure about that?
No no, I kid, I kid.
The people who write the articles that say it’s all on the woman to make the effort subscribe to this pseudo-science philosophy: Women are naturally monogamous. Men are naturally non-monogamous. It’s because of evolution and a need to continue the species. They can’t help it. So if the women want their men to be monogamous, the onus is on them to be perfect and stunning in every way so as to overwhelm their men’s natural inclinations.
I call bullshit and shenanigans on that idea. I counter that humans, male and female, were NOT meant to be monogamous – that was a construct of culture, not nature.
If you want to remain in a viable, healthy and monogamous relationship – it takes two to tango.
I know it’s bullshit and you know it’s bullshit, but I don’t think the people who write these things know it’s bullshit.
Firstly… can I just say that I LOVE that you used “bullshit” in your response?! I think I did. I love that.
It most definitely IS bullshit. Numbers don’t lie.
I do not see a reason why it would have to be different for women. I do recognize that there is more pressure for women than men. Traditionally women would use their looks to attract men and men would show they could be good providers. That is not necessarily how it works nowadays but it may have to do with what your are pointing out.
I’m motivated to make the world look beyond the physical – women have damned amazing minds and they’re being overlooked because of their trappings. I wish I could say that was no longer the case in 2013, but it is.
I definitely don’t feel the need to dress up for my man all the time, but I do get considerably annoyed with the fact that it takes me 2 to 3 times longer to get ready… And yes, I think there are 10x more articles telling that to women, because they listen, and men, well men don’t.
But I do often wonder, why is it that when I, and also when most women, take off my minimal makeup, I look less “polished” in the skin department than most men. Is the makeup (tinted moisturizer usually) causing this? Is female skin that much thinner that it breaks down considerably more when it’s dehydrated, over-sunned, or sleepy? Is this why I “need” to get “dressed up”; because without the minimal coverage & mascara, I look considerably more worn down than my male counterpart?
Inherited bags under my eyes be damned!
Those are good questions! I think what we look like on the outside has to do with what we put on the inside. I have dry, yet oily, skin and large pores. I have acne scars and dark spots. I, personally, don’t care to look at those things, but then there are days where I think, “You know what… they tell your story.” Then I don’t worry about them. I do, however, find that my skin looks better when I haven’t been subjecting myself to lots of makeup and keeping myself well-hydrated with H2O.