03/06/2012 Things I think about

Please note:  this blog was written as I spend day #2 on the couch, probably in the fits of delirium brought on by fever.

With that said… one of the things I have been thinking about a lot lately is that I seem to have this knack for collecting money.  I actually enjoy collections.  I know the rules and regulations.  I am usually sweet-tempered, but hell hath no fury and all that jazz…

I started to think about the movie “The Godfather” (and all the sequels), and have come to the conclusion that I would be the “Guido”.  The person who collects the money.  The knuckle-buster.  The Breaker of kneecaps.

One time, this contractor was being a dick about paying his bill in a timely manner.  So I called, and he was attempting to give me the run around, and I played along, laughing where it was needed and then I calmly responded, with a BIG smile you could hear in my voice, “….you don’t want me to have to get out my baseball bat and come collect from you, do you?”  He laughed nervously, and then asked, “You haven’t done that…. have you?”  I smiled big once more and said, “No, not yet, because everyone has always paid me.  But there is always a first time.”  There was a long pause after that, I could hear him clear his throat and swallow.  He said, “I’m putting the check in the mail tonight.”

I’ve been told that I intimidate people (when I worked in student housing, there was a male resident who would NEVER look at me when I looked at him… and he was in my office a fair amount for fines he’d incurred).  A manager in the building laughed over this and asked, “You looked over the top of your glasses at him, didn’t you?”  Maybe… maybe I did.

I’ve decided that I would be the person in the mob with the bat (or hammer, or brass knuckles… you get the idea) who would calmly ask for the money, and pummel the snot out of someone who didn’t pay up.  You know… the good-gal-gone-psycho?  Yeah, maybe that’s not a good thing, but this is something I think about…

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About The Amusing Muse

Deep thinker whose mind operates at warped speed. Philosopher pondering the big (and little) things in life. Storyteller. Office Ninja. Model. Teller of bad jokes. User of big words.
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2 Responses to 03/06/2012 Things I think about

  1. I LOVE this, delivered with such eloquence 🙂

    • LOL Why Thank You! I know some people will read this and thing “Oh my WORD! She’s frightening!” But, I really do love collections… it’s like putting together a puzzle and helps me stretch my social interaction skills. I’ve actually lectured contractors on the phone about how THEY need to “man up” and collect money from people they do work for so they can pay US.

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