The last post I made on this blog was over three years ago. A lot has happened since then. A lot happened before then. And then… I couldn’t muster the motivation to write anything no matter how much I wanted to.

The lack of motivation severely affected my desire to write, though I was crocheting up a storm of blankets, then hats. But words? Every waking hour found my brain filled with a cacophony of words. The joke that I have 100 tabs open in my brain, music coming from three of them, and at least one has an ad auto-playing, was not lost on me. I’ve come to realize, based on research (hours reading white papers), denial (no, no… it’s just a trendy thing to say), more research (more hours reading more white papers and more blogs and more specialist sites), more denial (no, no… it’s just coincidence), more reading… more denial… Anyway, seems like it’s highly probable that THIS gal is Autistic and ADHD.

Given that women have been under-diagnosed for decades, and diagnosis is now about a 3 year wait and a few thousand to be checked, I’ve opted into the “eh, I’m fine as I am” camp. Say what you will, but at this point, I’m fine as I am.

Now, let’s circle back to lack of motivation. Did you know that perimenopause symptoms include anxiety? And a lot of women in the throes of perimenopause are diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and then put on SSRIs? *waves* Hi there! I see you. Me, too.

This year, after diving down an SSRI rabbit hole in relation to cardiac arrythmia, I discovered several studies (and the white papers) that veritably shouted, “DO NOT PASS GO!” on the combo of fluoxetine, commonly known as Prozac, and arrhythmias. Guess what I was on?

After reaching out to my doctor about “just stopping” the medication I was told to start taking four years ago (age 45) and told to just stop taking it because I was on the lowest dose, I found out so much more about how these drugs affect our daily lives and what happens on withdrawal.

It’s been super fun, but, hey, let’s catch you up. ANYWAY, outside of the fact that you’re likely to have the same or better results for your issues by changing your diet, exercising, meditating (or breath work), getting sunshine, learning cognitive behavioral therapy, etc., SSRIs are likely to cause you a whole HOST of issues, not limited to: loss of interest in hobbies, loss of interest in sex, loss of interest – period. And, when you come off of them – all that loss of interest? You may not recover it. Also, vertigo. So, while it’s only been four weeks off the sauce, I noticed I was feeling rather write-ish today. So much so that I opened up the blog I haven’t touched in years, stared at it for a long while, and now am writing.

Then, there was the rest of the past few years. I’ve come to terms with some #MeToo happenings in my past, discovered some people I thought were friends didn’t see me as a friend, and sat watching this blog decompose into the duff of the internet like so many before it.

I’ve come into my groove with my job. My Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) has relaxed its grip as I have taken control over my thoughts (thank you, Kara Loewentheil and the UnFuck your Brain podcast). Though I’ve not been able to find a new post-pandemic yoga studio, I was motivated to start “lifting heavy shit” by both Arnold’s Pump Club and Muscle Science for Women. I’ve also been reading a lot more philosophy books, partly due to Oliver Burkeman’s, “The Imperfectionist”.

This is all to say, here’s some “proof of life”. I don’t know when I’ll feel write-ish again, but for now, this is good.

The Amusing Muse exists in the past, present, and future, as we all do. She also like peanut butter and chocolate. Or chocolate and peanut butter. Will stop for puppies. Has a cat who gives “love bites”, a flock of chickens, and ginormous sheep who look forward to their morning cookie.