There are days where being an adult just sucks. Why, you ask? Because you come to the realization that things you loved to do as a child, hobbies that took up a great deal of your existence are no longer feasible.
Such was the case for me this last week.
Growing up, the phrase, “Were you born in a barn?!” was uttered from my Mom more than a handful of times. Now, I was present at my birth, but I was told I was born on the first sunny day after some especially wintery weather – including a blizzard – when I was supposed to make my debut into the world (February 29th, 1976). Instead, I stayed in the warmth of the womb until March 12th, and entered the world at a hospital nearly with the dawn on a sunny day. I’m considerate like that.
Anyway… while I wasn’t born in a barn, I WAS raised in one. My early days were spent on the back of an obstinate and cantankerous Shetland pony named, Tommy (if I wasn’t riding behind my Mom on She’s a Dandy Girl). Horses were a huge part of my life. I was in the barn, on the pony, on the horse, in the saddle, in the manger, in the show ring, standing on the back of…. you get the idea.
I was one with all things equine.
As an adult, I’ve tried. There was “Pal”, aka Dynamite’s JetFlow… a severely overweight palamino that helped me build my confidence back up and was just happy to plod along at a walk. I loved Pal, but he had severe feet problems and after a few years he had to be put down. Lesson: getting a horse from people who thought it was better to overindulge an animal on “candy” was a hard on the old heartstrings.
Then, I got some wild hair to buy and Arabian mare. Mares and I don’t typically get along. This should have been a big indication of how things would proceed. That would be… me, riding in an ambulance to the ER trying to piece together the previous 8 hours of the day. Eventually, I remembered the previous eight hours, but the horse has now been “handed down” to my niece who gets along with her just fine.
This last week I was contacted about a nice, friendly gelding (that’s a castrated male) who was in need of a home and I felt my inner equine-lover swelling with interest and desire. He was gorgeous. SURE, he had a big ass, but I got out to see him as soon as I could.
Our first introduction had him licking my hand… a lot. Then, we walked through the field, and he took off farting. I was still smitten.
I wanted to take him home with me. Really.
I dreamt about him all night. I kept waking up all that first night, and 48 hours later, I came to the conclusion that no matter how much I wanted him… I just didn’t have the time for him.
Adulthood comes with bonus features like “realizing you no longer have time for…” insert your favorite activity. For me, it’s things like “I don’t have time for a horse.”
Crocheting and other needle crafts are something that lies in wait for winter. Gardening and kayaking is summertime. Hiking is year-round. Writing is “any time I damn well please”. But, adulthood means that I have realized that I just don’t have the time to spend with another living being who needs the time spent. I have a husband, friends, family, a job, cats, chickens, and goats (and more)… and all of them require a little time every day. I just didn’t have enough time for another living being who needed me.
Maybe that’s the a good thing about adulting, realizing that there is only so much of you to go around and that, as much as you’d like to give more, what you have available isn’t enough for the one(s) you want to give it to.
Have you had to give up a beloved hobby in adulthood that you partook of in your younger years?
I have spent adult trying to hold on to the feeling of a hobby. The way an interest would transport you away for hours at a time. I think the perspective of the hobby changes. I’m much more aware of the mental benefits of a hobby these days. I’ll steal moments to read, eat my cereal or do a puzzle because it puts my brain in a different place. If I have given up hobbies it’s usually because of practical reasons. Saturday record shopping isn’t the same when there’s like one record store. I am guessing your love for horses will evolve more than disappear as a hobby.
I can appreciate that – indeed, with the waning of vinyl, the comeback, and the still-relative lack of record stores, (plus what is becoming increasing a lack of album art), shopping for records would definitely not be the same. I like your idea of hobbies evolving – I don’t bake like I used to do since baking gluten-free tends to be a long ordeal. I still love to bake, but I tend to cook more and different foods now and save the baking for really special moments. Of course, my waistline appreciates that holding off, though my mind would still love to come home to a full cookie jar. I would like to think that at some point I’ll get back into horses and spend every evening off riding like I used to do, but until then… my goats (and future sheep) will just have to do. Sure, they don’t get to be ridden, but they’re still fun to have around.
Hello, fellow March Madness birthday friend 🙂
I suppose I feel this way about a number of areas in life. Recently, I realized that, when it comes to work, it’s time for me to actually choose something to which to commit and, therefore, master. I was fine dabbling in whatever opportunities arose, though I have remained in the same office for a long time. But I never thought of myself as having to choose. I just…did whatever I wanted, and my boss was quite happy with that. Now… it feels like I’m at a crossroads where it’s time to choose and master / advance / commit to the ladder, or …. eh?
In terms of hobbies, that’s another thing where I feel like I used to be able to do even more. I would dance, play violin/viola, write poetry, dabble in learning several foreign languages, sketch, etc. And, to be honest, I still do a lot of those things, but more so in rotation rather than during the same seasons. Perhaps the one thing I’ve given up most is hanging out with people so much. And… that’s actually a healthy thing right now.
For me, adulting has meant that I have to actually CHOOSE things and MASTER some stuff, rather than just exploring everything on the surface. Time and money require that I work things on rotation rather than spend on everything all at once.
Sometimes I’m OK with adulting. Sometimes not. Those 2 feelings are also on rotation, but also sometimes running concurrently. lol.
You know, your “choose-and-master” point is well-received. I think that’s something that is occurring for me, too. The hobbies I do have I want to feel as if I’m choosing them for a reason and yes, mastering them. I don’t want to just do something and call it “good enough”. I want to take part in my hobbies and feel like I really kicked ass at it.
And yeah, being an adult has its perks, but there are times where it’s not fun at all.
Does growth (or growing up) mean the loss of acting on an impulse? Never. However, it does explain why I seldom take the horse trailer along when I go to ‘take a look’ There may very well come a time when you have one of these larger 4 legged critters in the pasture – you’ve got time. Heck, the well known trainer Tom Dorance talked his wife into learning to saddle and mount her favorite horse from the door of the horse trailer cause he knew there would come a time when it would be too hard to reach things from the ground. She did an interview when she was 83 and his widow, telling about how she now appreciates his insistence that she learn that skill. She was still riding almost daily and they filmed her saddling and mounting techniques. You are always so busy – some day…some day!
LOL Well, that’s true – I’m being more selective about being impulsive. And, maybe I just need to take some lessons on a lesson horse when I have the time and then I won’t be so rusty when it’s time to actually bring a horse into the mix again.
So much of my life is spent trying to find the way to get the stuff I used to do into my life. For the most part, I try to talk my kids into wanting to do whatever it is that I want to do . . . if they’re asking for it, I can do it with them! Right now, it’s karate . . . I’m REALLY hopeful that it’ll mean kayaking and hiking shortly.
I’ve heard from a lot of friends who have had kids that one of the things they really don’t like is that their hobbies take a backseat to everything the kids want. I commend you for trying to make it all work.