Fancy Coffee Friday: Tongue-In-Cheek Confessional

I sometimes call myself the “Accidental Nudist“, or another title I’ve used is “Liaison Officer to the Nude Curious“.  I’ve gone on “nakations” as a staff member.  I model nude from time to time.  Those things have one thing in common: I was remunerated in some form for being sans clothing.  They are jobs.  My facetious reference to being the “Accidental Nudist” is just that – a humorous, tongue-in-cheek play on the opportunities I’ve had come my way because of nude modeling.  To be fair, these are fun jobs where I meet some great people, but despite all the times I’ve been in the buff – I don’t actually consider myself a naturist/nudist.  Why?

Top Five Reasons I don’t Consider Myself a Naturist/Nudist:

#1 – I’m allergic to Insect Repellent, Sunscreen and… Poison Ivy.
I’ve tried dozens of products.  I’ve slathered and sprayed them on my skin and on my clothing.  I live in Wisconsin and besides swarms of mosquitoes, I have to deal with sand flies, horse flies, deer flies and numerous other species of invertebrates that are out to suck blood.  Poison ivy grows with abandon around my house and though I have sheep and goats who devour it readily – I’m presently still healing from having secondary contact from fingertips-to-shoulders from my little flock.  Poison ivy is not fun; it takes weeks to heal and even then, tends to leave scars on me.  The sun?  Compared to insects and poison ivy – it’s the least of my worries.

#2 – Wisconsin Winters
The winter of 2013-2014 in southern Wisconsin officially tallied about 16 days with sub-zero temperatures.  Where my house is, we’re always lower than the official temperature and could add at least another 10 days to that total.  I also have Raynaud’s Disease.  I will walk around my house in multiple layers that include a stocking cap, hoodie and fingerless gloves.  I’ve been known to be the center post of a human teepee on the couch with an afghan tented over me and the elderly cats demanding to be let inside.  Wisconsin winters are cold – but very beautiful.  They also require layers of clothing.

#3 – I love clothes/shoes.
Do you know how some people find “the perfect outfit” and then have to find shoes to match?  I find the perfect shoes first and have to find the outfit(s) to match.  My small area in the closet is packed-n-stacked with clothes and shoes, from incredibly casual tanks, jeans, and flip-flops to cocktail dresses and stiletto heels.  And then there are the accessories.

#4 – Have suitcase – will travel.  Anywhere, anytime – even if it means clothing required.
One look at my Google Maps account would show a world map covered in fields of gold stars.  I read a lot of travel publications and websites.  If it looks cool, I head to Google Maps and put a star on it.  I may not get to every location and site that I have marked, but I will visit as many as I can, even if it means being covered up head-to-toe.

#5 – My life isn’t defined by my clothing, or lack thereof.
Prior to being a nude model, I didn’t give too much thought to ones ability to wear, or not wear, clothing.  I saw the photos in National Geographic and I saw the nude figures in my dad’s drawing instruction books; they just “were” and it was no big deal.  Now, I think about it more often in philosophical terms.  I don’t wake up in the morning on a weekend and think, “I can be naked all day!”  Usually I wake up thinking, “Okay… first thing I have to do is get dressed because the lawn needs to be mowed and since I’ll already be dirty, I should clean the chicken pen, scrub the water tank and then go pull some weeds.”  By the end of the day, I’m really looking forward to putting on my flannel pajama pants.  I like to keep it real and be authentic.  Being clothed or not doesn’t make me any more or less of those things.

I’ve accumulated a lot of followers on social media who identify with naturism and social nudity, people who have told me they are assured that my experiences make me a nudist/naturist.  I can’t stop people from labeling me and I’m sure I’ll lose some followers on social media with this latest disclosure – but that’s okay – to each their own.  And, as Liza Minnelli, Mae West and Judy Garland who all came before me discovered with their fan bases – embrace your community.

Well, in my case, let’s just keep it at a hearty handshake.

P.S. – I’ve rolled out the new banner and look of the site!  Post on that coming soon.

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About The Amusing Muse

Deep thinker whose mind operates at warped speed. Philosopher pondering the big (and little) things in life. Storyteller. Office Ninja. Model. Teller of bad jokes. User of big words.
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12 Responses to Fancy Coffee Friday: Tongue-In-Cheek Confessional

  1. John says:

    First, love the new template for the site!

    I’m someone that, if I can be naked, I am naked . . . but I’ve yet to head anywhere that I could consider myself a “nudist” or “naturist” (unless you count an isolated national seashore, 3+ miles from any trailhead, at sunrise, where I just pray that a park ranger doesn’t come speeding down the beach in an ATV). But, because of this, my kids are certainly growing up with a “no shame” version of nudity – and I *think* that’s a good thing. But who knows.

    And about the shoes? I’m someone who will ALWAYS choose to be in bare feet, if it’s a socially acceptable choice — so I guess the only true “perfect match” for nothing on my feet would be nothing on me 🙂

    Someone once told me the difference between males & females: “Males have a penis. Females have a crippling shoe obsession.” 🙂

    • First – thank you! 🙂

      I honestly don’t think about the clothing thing. I like being able to dress for my mood/attitude. Today I’m in my laminated black jeans and a white tee, rocking the “rock ‘n roll” look. Every day is different.

      Now, barefoot? INDEED! I like being barefoot, and while I DO love my horrible-for-posture shoes, I tend to walk around barefoot at the office (as do most of my female coworkers) – lots of my shoes are “for show” and while I DO want them to be comfortable, they aren’t something I want to be in for 16 hours a day – which I have done.

  2. Ah, you struck a cord with the sun cream comment. Me too. I once got a fair amount of notice by walking into the sea off an Italian beach wearing a decent thigh covering pair of trunks, and a shirt complete with cuffs and collar because I found that by keeping the collar ‘up’ you could prevent getting sun burn on the back of the neck. Very unpleasant if you’ve ever had it !

    • lol I know that feeling – I’ve had it a few times. I do get burned and proceed to slather myself with aloe. I get skin cancer screenings done every year, too. And I got odd looks in the Caribbean this past February when I headed to the beach in my knee-length pants, tank and “summer” sweater complete with a hood…and then parked my towel under the trees. 😉

  3. johnkutensky says:

    I love the new banner! It looks great!

  4. I too, love the new look. *Looking down* Dressed in Scooby-Doo pj bottoms and a tee that clashes. I probably won’t go out like this but I do dress, what some might call, “accordingly”.Having said that, I prefer to dress for the mood and living in northern Canada, the weather. But then, you’ve seen the nude snow angels.

  5. Jim and Becky says:

    Fun banner. Reminds me of Terri Liebenson’s cartoon work. Sorry to say, none of the reasons you listed would preclude anyone from being a naturist.

    BTW, when are you going to do the Madison World Naked Bike Ride? You’d get tons of blog material!

    • Thanks – it took planning and thought to get it right, but I have a great illustrator for a friend.

      And as for the reasons I listed – perhaps not, however, I don’t consider myself a naturist, I never have, and that is reason enough. I don’t seek out resorts, campgrounds or beaches. The opportunities I’ve taken advantage of are because they were presented – not because I have strong feelings for them (other than I love to travel).

      As for a naked bike ride – highly unlikely. I wear cycling shorts for a reason and it would jeopardize my day job.

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