Admittedly, I fear this post may turn into something maudlin or perhaps even lachrymose, but I’ll push on writing it, attempting to keep it light and short, because this blog, is my therapy.
I’ve written about my heart condition in the past. I complained for ten years prior to receiving a diagnosis of AV Node Reentry. I got that fixed, and then… I was diagnosed with Ventricular Tachycardia my cardiologist felt was brought on by pneumonia that caused carditis which caused a scar in my heart (not a heart attack) which triggered the tachycardia. That’s not fixed yet, though it is managed via medicine. I’ve also mentioned that my sister has Ventricular Tachycardia, her’s is a much more severe case and they can’t fix hers.
Yesterday, our roles were reversed as cardiac patients, as I received a call from my sister that my Mom was taken to the ER for a possible heart attack.
To be fair to you, dear Readers, this post was written last night (day of the call), and I was emotionally and physically exhausted. (Do you know how difficult it is to change tenses and time frames all the time?) Adrenaline can be a wonderful thing but man does it wipe you out!
My Mom has for many years been our champion and companion, even from a distance (for me), when my sister and I have had to have heart procedures. She learned all she could, made sure the doctors and nurses explained everything clearly and that we had no questions. She reassured us that everything would come out alright in the end and she’d see us on the flip-side.
Now, my sister and I, have switched places. I’m two hours away, and while I thought I should drive up there right away, I knew that I’d just be sitting and waiting. There wasn’t going to be much difference between sitting and waiting there, or doing it here, but at least here at home I could occupy my mind with other things. Thankfully, my sister was there to explain what the tests were, what they were looking for, and to reassure her that everything would be fine.
I know that she’s going to be fine. She’s in good hands. She’s stubborn (where my sister and I learned it from). However, after talking to my sister, and knowing what we know about how it feels to have your heart being the problem, we know she’s scared.
And she doesn’t want to worry people.
And she doesn’t want to be a bother.
All of the things that my sister and I have felt in the past, she’s experiencing, and in a way, I imagine it’s a bit like a parent seeing their child go through something they, too, went through. You know you just have to be patient, and that hell yeah it’s scary shit that they are going through, but that scariness passes.
Thanks for being there for us, Mom, and we hope we do just as great a job for you.