Dear Miss Swift,

May I call you “dear”?  I’m not sure, I took a liberty and well, without thinking I wrote down “dear” and that might be a little awkward, but generally it’s the proper and accepted way to begin a letter.  *pause*  Okay, I went and checked and “dear” is still the acceptable salutation especially when accompanied with your proper title.  Check and check. 

Now, back to the matter at hand: your haters just keep on hatin’.  Hmm, first let me preface this with some facts.  I don’t actually own any of your music.  This is not due to dislike (I had to go onto YouTube to listen to some of your songs so I had an idea of what you sing about) – you have every appearance of a talented young singer/songwriter/performer – but I pretty much stopped listening to country in the mid-1990’s because everyone started to sound the same.  

I watch very little television.  I rarely even watch my local news, getting most everything from the internet. So, suffice it to say, I really don’t know very much about you, but I do know that everyone feels the need, or the right, to be “all up in yo’ bidness” when it comes to your dating/love life.  That has to suck.  They [attempt to] rip you to shreds because apparently you are dating someone new every couple weeks.  Girl, I want you to know that when I was your age (okay a couple years younger…), I was dating someone new every two weeks, too!

Now, I wasn’t a celebrity.  I was in college, on a campus with a 3:1 men-to-women ratio to boot.  I dated (dated, not “had carnal relations”) 40 men who all asked me out (incidentally, I married the last guy I dated, who is officially #42). I once had dates with two separate men in one night – damn right! Prior to college I didn’t date much; I was always everyone’s “friend”.  In high school, I had more male friends than female and all the guys seemed to come to me for relationship advice.  Curiously – isn’t that like asking a Catholic priest for marriage advice??  I digressed, sorry.  Anyway, I’m here to tell you, and the public, what you probably already know:  It’s okay to date, whoever you want, whenever you want and for however long you or they want.

Now, I googled your name.  Admittedly I got tired of looking at the first two pages of results of people praising your very existence.  Honestly I was beginning to think that all of your fans know something I don’t and you might be suffering from the same issue as Jessica Biel with her gaseous expulsions…. damn it, another digression. So I asked myself, “Self, why are there so many people writing scathing message about ‘T-Swifty’ on their Facebook and Twitter feeds?”  

Sadly, I can only surmise that they are:

• Jealous of your fame/fortune/perceived success.
• Jealous of your visage and ability to wear red lipstick.
• Jealous of your ability to rock a day dress and heels.
• Jealous of how you get to date all these guys, because they wanted to date them, too. (Not me… except for maybe Jake Gyllenhaal.)
• They are morally outraged that you admitted to writing songs about breakups after each breakup you have?
• They feel badly that they can’t keep up with who you are dating as fast as E! News or Perez Hilton can.

Jealousy is a real bitch.  Jealousy over your life seems to really be the only common denominator that I can come up with, other than the moral outrage bit.  You know what? My Mom’s advice to me in college was to “date a lot” – so I did and I encourage you to do the same. I encourage all women to date as much as they want. Granted, I didn’t write songs about my breakups, but there is nothing stopping me from writing stories about them… actually, there is – the fact that I have forgotten most of their names won’t really help me.  I remember how many I dated (folks, again, that’s dated – not “had sex with”) because my roommate in college and I sat down one night and started to list them.  That list might be around the house somewhere, but then again I may have tossed it out… oops.  I digressed again.  My point with the moral outrage is, the general public seems to think these guys who date you are oblivious to what your career and modus operandi are and somehow seem to think that you’re a Black Widow in a sense that you are only dating these guys for the purpose of song generation.  Why they care whether that is the case or not, and how this impacts their lives, I don’t know. Personally, I think they need more excitement in their own lives.  

As for the guys who date you, I mean, come on… it’s been all over the internet for what… two years now?  I think that’s enough of a “buyer beware” program, but perhaps they think you’re the female version of a “bad boy” and they think they can change you?  Only change for yourself, my dear.

So, I think that covers it.  So, Miss Swift, while it appears that the general public is “all up in your grill” over who you are dating, speculating how long it will last and if the guy is going to be angry or hurt over your musical incarnation of the breakup (as well as if you are going to purchase a house next door… seriously – THAT was… creepy. Kudos on flipping the house and making some green, though). As a member of the general public, I can tell you that I don’t care.  I do, however, care that people are calling you really horrible names for being young and dating a lot of men.  You’re young – you should be dating a lot if you want to and they all need to step back and look at themselves and their own insecurities and jealousies. They need to figure out what their deal is with slamming you, someone about whom I believe they, like myself, know very little.  The shaming needs to stop, it’s a disservice to all women, not to mention a double standard.

Carry on young lady, live your life on your terms and date whoever you want.

Sincerely,

Sarah – The Amusing Muse

P.S.  I recommend not going all Glenn Close bunny-boiling stalkerish and buying another property adjacent to a boyfriend again… that was really, really creepy.